Sorry about this article!

No one is perfect. I’m not, and I certainly do not expect you to be. Nor are we experts instantly - growth is the biproduct of training, practice and patience. So why do we apologise for making a mistakes while learning? Why do we say sorry?

According to Martin Antony, director of the Anxiety Research and Treatment Lab at Ryerson University, seeking forgiveness is “… a safety behaviour, an overprotective behaviour, or compensatory strategy. All of these are terms used to describe behaviours that are designed to protect an individual from aversive emotions or potential threat.”[1]

It is common to have an automatic apologetic response to doing something incorrectly. We are conditioned to feel bad for errors and desire to make it right by offering our condolences. But isn’t it through mistakes that we learn? Don’t we improve by critical thinking and calculated adjustment, ad infinitum? Aren’t our mentors there to help us improve?

As an educator, my goal is to draw the best out of my participants. Freedom to move and think comes from a place of tranquillity and relaxation. If a student/athlete were reprimanded for their genuine effort, that creates unnecessary tension - whether physical or emotional - and that inhibits mobility.

When learning new skill, or having established skills refined, you should never feel guilty for doing something incorrectly, particularly if you are a beginner, or you have tried with earnest honesty.

When I started learning karate (you never really stop BTW), I was encouraged to respond to correction IF I understood the activity by saying “hai” (yes) or “arigato” (thank you) or with a sincere bow (respect). If I DIDN’T understand, I was encouraged to ask questions.

It only occurred to me when I became an instructor the real power of this positive mindset.

Having someone experienced take the time to help you improve is worthy of gratitude. A “thank you” is about recognising and appreciating the other person’s contribution to your personal development, where as saying “sorry” is about not living up to the estimate you place on yourself or the perceived expectation of your coach. This estimate is within your power to revoke at any time.

In response to a question about his missteps, Thomas Edison is quoted saying “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”

Thanks for taking the time to read this article.

[1] https://www.vice.com/en_au/article/mb34ax/apologising-all-the-time-could-be-a-sign-of-anxiety